when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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