It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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