I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize