You can't special order awesome
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
