Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
