They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
