Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
