I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
