am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
