my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
