see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
