thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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