I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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