one two three fourrrrnication!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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