I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
