Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
