You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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