period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
