I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
