I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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