Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
