I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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