Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
