He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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