I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As shirtless as possible
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
