I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
