just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
