i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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