uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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