i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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