you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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