dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
