Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
