can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
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I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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