This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
