You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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