I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
