i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
