Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
