We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
