OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
