Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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