Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she told me i tasted like america
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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