First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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