a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
