don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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