3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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