Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
