I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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