what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
