Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We need to rekindle our bromance
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
