so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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