His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
