saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
