The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
