I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
