Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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