All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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