is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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