what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
