Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
