i think my tv is drunk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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