finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
