Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
