you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
