It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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