What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
