Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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