K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
